Being me
by madian
Summary: Sometimes being me is a total mess, sometimes it is simply weird. What I know for sure is that being me is ALWAYS a bit of a challenge. I am Jasper Whitlock. And this is me.
1. Messed up

Hello everybody!

This time I decided to use Jasper as inspiration, trying to imagine some different moments in his life, which I have always wondered about…

I hope you will like it and, if this is the case, that you'll review!

Naturally, nor Jasper neither any other character or event you do recognize from the Twilight saga belong to me! They are Stephenie Meyer's an hers only.

Hope you'll enjoy!

This first chapter is set right after Jasper tries to attack Bella on her B-day!

Chapter 1

**Jasper's POV**

I was in a nightmare.

There was no other possible explanation for what had just happened. After 150 years I had at last learnt how to sleep, because this could not be real. I couldn't have really done that. All, but not that.

In my terrifying nightmare, I had just attacked Bella.

Of all people, I had chosen to dream about attacking her, the girl who had finally taken my brother out of his deep-rooted numbness.

Yes, this HAD to be a nightmare.

Then, why was I running through the forest, feeling the wind on my face, the noises of animals and the mixed scents of wood, grass, earth and resin? Why wasn't I in my bed, with Alice? Why were anger, disappointment and desperate thirst raging all together inside me?

I absent-mindedly climbed a tall tree, hoping to fall down maybe, and wake up from this absurd dream, which was becoming too frightening. Even for me.

The blasts of nightly wind slapping me were not enough to bring me back to reality, but they helped clear my head a bit.

I felt that here at least I could not hurt anybody. This had to be enough for now. Until I'd wake up, as I knew I would.

I did. Edward woke me up.

I knew he was there as soon as he got close to the tree…I could feel his scent and all his emotions, screaming. Fear, anger, thirst, sadness, hesitation and…numbness. Again.

This was not a nightmare. No, it was much worse: it was reality. I had ruined it all and I didn't know exactly how to make it right. It was still a bit difficult for me to consider my pull towards blood wrong in itself. _It was_ wrong, because I did not want to hurt people, but I was a vampire and there was nothing at all I could do about that.

After hesitating for a while, Edward climbed onto my tree and perched there, in front of me, his eyes lost and still anxious.

"You always loved climbing trees…" he said, after a moment of painful silence.

"Yeah. – I began - I…I am sorry. I tried, Edward, I swear, but I just can't live like this. I am sorry! - I managed to say – The pull is still too strong for me."

He did not look straight at me, but I knew he was listening to my words and to my thoughts. I felt crushed, totally forlorn.

"I know, Jasper, I know. I am sorry too."

I looked at him. Why would _he_ be sorry? He was not the one who had jumped onto Bella, after all; he had only tried to save her from the monster.

"It's not your fault, Edward! It's me! - I admitted - I never thought my new life could be so difficult." I hated being weak and I hated more that my weakness could endanger all that I held dear.

"No, Jasper! You are not weak…"

"For God's sake! – I said angrily, suddenly jumping down the tree. He did the same, landing in front of me – Stop pretending that you don't know I am the weak link, here! Get angry! Kick me, attack me, but do something! I can't stand being pitied! I almost killed the love of your life! I am a monster!" Tears of frustration wouldn't have been out of place here. I breathed in and out furiously.

"I am too, Jasper. We all are!" he answered, calm and focused.

I turned away from him.

"Yeah? And still I was the one about to rip her throat." I wish he would see and get angry!

"I wouldn't be so sure." He sadly admitted, from behind me.

A strange surge of emotions swelled through me in that moment: beside my frustration and anger, were Edward's self-loathing and pain.

"How is she?" I asked in a whisper, at long last. That should have been my first question, but I was too busy screaming at me.

"Fine…she's stronger than we know." He answered, a hint of pride in his voice. He sat down on the damp grass.

"Truly…" I admitted. I believed it. Bella was utterly unconventional. When everyone ran, she would stand…she seemed not to care about herself at all.

"When I said I was sorry, I meant it, Jasper. I was not trying to pity you or make you feel better… - he began – And I _am_ weak! Had I been strong enough to do the right thing time ago, none of this would have happened!"

"You can't choose if or whom to fall in love with. It just doesn't work like that…fortunately." I reminded him. It was true for him as it had been true for me.

I turned and sat by him. His face was unreadable, but I felt the deep fight now raging inside him.

"I can't stop loving her, of course. I always will. But I can't pretend this is a good thing. I can't pretend that I…that I am good for her. I should let her go on with her life. I can't risk her getting hurt because of what we are…" He was serious and there was a strange determination in his voice, but I could not feel any accusation towards me.

"You will never hurt her, Edward. I will leave and stay away, as long as I need to make sure I won't do this again – I finally said. It really seemed like the best option here – I don't want to be the one to hurt her."

Her scared eyes and the shock she had felt washed through me again, making me shiver.

"A part from Carlisle, we were all very close to hurt her, Jasper. You felt this and you could not resist a thirst six times more desperate than usual. It could have been anyone of us. It could have been me! – he shook his head, defeated – It's the love I feel for her that barely kept my instinct at check. It could have been anyone of us."

"But it wasn't…" I protested.

"It could have been any of us!" He repeated, louder this time. This was a statement, not something said in order to comfort me.

"Regardless, I should leave. I just hope Alice will accept to go with me." I shivered again, at the prospect of having to leave without her.

"She'll follow, you know that - he stated – And I will too, if you will allow me. It's time to do what is right. For her."

"Edward…" I was not entirely sure this was a good idea. I did not want this! I did not want a numb Edward around again. I did not want to separate them.

"No, Jasper. My decision is taken. I will lie, I will let her live her own safe, monster-free life. I owe her that. As long as I am far away, she'll be fine. I will live and love on, thinking I did this for her. I have been selfish enough in this matter."

This could not work. They were meant to be together. One way or the other. And Alice had foreseen something that would have been a solution to all this mess.

"No! - I felt Edward flinch beside me - That vision will never become true as long as I can help it. She does not deserve _this_ life. She is perfect the way she is. She'll have her own chance at happiness. I would never take her life away because of my selfishness…"

I knew enough of my brother to know that there was no way to talk him out of this. What radiated from him was determination and courage, now. He could be stubborn and I knew that all he wanted was for Bella to be fine. Safe.

"You should go, now! - I told him – It's her birthday, after all. Don't waste you time with me...I am fine! Go. I'll stay a while and then go back home."

He nodded twice, stood up and started to walk. Slowly, as if he did not want to face what I had done and what he was about to do.

"I hope I'll be as strong as you are, sooner or later, brother." I shouted at him.

"No you don't!" he shouted back, chuckling.

Truly, I did. But I would try harder, for him, for Alice, for my family and for Bella.

I felt this was not the end of this impossible love. I knew it.


	2. Guilt and Love

Hey there!

Here's the second chapter…not my fav of all, but still, I thought I'd give it a try nonetheless.

This is what happens after chapter one, of course: Jasper goes back home after the "accident" during Bella's party.

As always: nothing you do recognise is mine. All belongs to Stephenie Meyer!

Enjoy and PLEASE review, whether you like it or not, or whether you have any suggestions.

Thanks!

**Chapter 2**

JASPER'S POV

I got back home about one hour later.

Before moving too close to the house I made sure that Bella was not in there anymore. Her flowery scent lingered, but it was not strong and this convinced me that she had gone home too. Probably with Edward.

I wondered how she was feeling now, how much she would hate me, how much I had scared her…I had no answers.

I felt a deep surge of guilt invading me, uninvited.

Bella had always been nice to me. Our relationship so far had been very cautious, but I had always thought of her as a nice, lovely girl. She seemed totally unaffected and particularly selfless. Evil was a total stranger to her: she was innocent and balanced. I could see Edward's point, really.

I waited some more minutes in the dark of the forest, before slowly walking inside the house.

My mind was still confused and I kept on wondering what was wrong with me, but all I could ever answer was: "You are a vampire, Jasper, you drink human blood. Everything about you is wrong."

For all I tried it seemed that I would never truly settle in this life-style. It was a pity really, because it made me honestly feel better with myself, made it bearable that I had once done a lot of awful things, made it even tolerable that I was a monster and a vicious one at that.

To top it all, I was also terrified to face the others. One day or the other they would simply get tired of my poor self-control and kick me out…

No, I knew this was not a possibility. Carlisle would never do that to me or to Alice. He had welcomed us with open arms and done everything in his power to help us. He would never turn his back on me. That was not like him.

And the others?

Emmet would probably laugh about it all, as he usually did, no matter how serious something was…I could hear him already: "Don't beat yourself up…We are what we are. Nothing to do about it. Mistakes do happen." This would not help me much of course.

But at least, Emmet was not biased towards Bella.

Rosalie would be a lot worse, of course. Her new favourite sentence had become: "That's what you get when you lose your mind completely and you fall in love with food! Stupid Edward."

She could not see how important Bella had become, and not only in Edward's life…As long as she was happy and fine, the rest did not really seem to matter…but she had not had to put up with Edward's inner numbness, fell it every second he was near. It did not matter that Esme was ecstatic about Edward's happiness and that Carlisle approved of Bella so completely. Nope, Rose could not, would not see.

To be true, what was really irritating about her attitude was the deep jealousy she felt towards the girl. She had never forgiven Edward for not finding her even remotely attracting and she could not understand how he could like Bella, such a plain and insignificant girl, when he had had the chance to have her.

Esme and Carlisle were another thing altogether.

With Alice, they had been the most understanding, patient and loving creatures to me, even when I had not deserved it. Disappointing them was not something I liked. At all. But I was weak, I reminded myself. I was not as strong as them. And they knew it. They knew it and forgave it.

I did not know how to face them all, but nothing gave me more pain than the idea of having to watch Alice in the eyes. My Alice, my loving girl.

She had seen me fall over and over again and had always been there to help me up, no matter what mess I had left behind. She was always ready to pick up all the pieces of my shattered pride and will and start anew.

"You'll be fine." she always said. Apparently this specific vision was never going to become a fact.

I slowly opened the door, to find the living room empty.

Carlisle emerged from the kitchen seconds later, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his face somehow tired.

I stopped, unable to physically bring myself closer to him. He walked to me, then, without a word.

He was not angry. All I could feel was his worry and understanding. Once again I was taken aback by how much compassion and love this man could possess.

I had to know he would not scream or get mad, but somehow this bothered me. I felt like I could do with a huge scolding.

He put his hand onto my shoulder and smiled softly…

"I am glad you are back…" he said, meaning it. I grinned back at him, unable to speak.

Esme picked out from the kitchen door at the scene, then joined us, grabbing Carlisle's hand.

She was preoccupied and sad, but, again, not angry.

"I am…sorry. No, disgusted…I just seem to always disappoint you all." I said, almost in a whisper.

Before I could add anything else, Esme left Carlisle's side and hugged me tightly.

I had never been used to this kind of affectionate gestures before Alice, but now they were somehow part of my life. Esme was a very physical person and she would hug, kiss and cuddle us anytime she had the chance to. Even if it still felt weird, it was usually fine by me. Now, though, it was almost painful to feel how much she loved me and how much she was trying to make it all right again.

"Oh, Jasper… - she sighed – We know how difficult it is. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing very well. We believe in you, you do know that. Nobody blames you."

"Yeah, I know…Sometimes I think you should!" I really felt like a 10-year-old boy, being forgiven for having stolen some chocolate.

"You are already too hard on yourself, boy! We never said this would be easy and yet you suffer in silence, never complain. We are proud of how hard you are trying. Falls happen…what really matters is that you are not on your own!" Carlisle said from behind Esme.

"Thank you!" I replied. Esme released me and smiled one of her sweet smiles. I tried to smile back, but I faltered as soon as I heard three sets of steps coming down the stairs.

Emmet, holding hands with Rosalie, was grinning, but he did not speak. Behind them, small and terrified was my Alice. Seeing her like that was all the punishment I needed. I wanted to rush to her, kneel down and beg her to forgive me, to forgive this stupid, weak, monstrous vampire that somehow she had wanted in her life.

We stared at each other for a moment, until she reached my side, with Emmet and Rosalie.

"I…I am sorry, guys." I said, my eyes looking down at the floor.

Emmet's hand replaced Carlisle's on my shoulder. "Hey…we are here for you, mate! You are not on your own, ok?" he said, taking me totally by surprise.

"Yeah! – Rose added – We are family, right? "

What was going on here? I felt somehow confused, but I could not help feeling slightly better.

Alice moved to me from behind Emmet's back. She looked at me again, in agony, for the longest second and then jumped on me, holding me tightly, sobbing tearlessly.

"Oh, Jasper…" her voice was broken and I felt like my legs could not support my useless self anymore.

What had I done? Why did I always have to hurt anybody? Was I not capable of some good deeds?

I closed my arm around, Alice's small, trembling figure, placing my head onto her shoulder, needing her closeness like never before.

"Forgive me, love! Forgive me for being so weak and unworthy of you. I should remain in the woods and live like the animal I am!" I meant every single word.

"Don't even dare say that! I was so afraid that you would not come back! I was so worried you would leave without me! Thank God you are back!"

Undeserved relief washed through me: knowing that Alice wanted me still, made me feel like I could face anything else.

The rest of the family was still there, but it wasn't long before they left Alice and me some time on our own.

"Come…" she mouthed to me silently, dragging me to the stairs.

She silently guided me to our room and dragged me on our bed with her. She rested her head onto my chest without releasing my hand.

"Say something, please…" she asked after a while.

"What can I say, Alice…I feel so stupid and frustrated and I wish I'd stop disappointing you all!" I explained, stroking her hair.

"Jasper…you are not disappointing us. We know about your past, that's not your fault! You'll make it…I believe in you! I do, Jasper." She was pleading, asking me to believe her.

"I know, love. I know you do. But I am not sure I do believe in myself. I am trying, hard, but I don't seem to succeed at all! I have to do something…" I whispered, lowering my head to kiss her head.

"I know what you want to do…I have seen it." she said, quietly.

"I don't want to force you to leave. You are happy here…" I shuddered at the mere thoughts of not having her with me, but I could not, would not ask her to let it all behind for me!

"I am happy here, because you are with me, Jasper. Never doubt that. I'll go wherever you will go…We'll leave. Tomorrow. And the other will follow. They all agreed to this."

"No!" I exclaimed. How worse could this get.

"Why not? Jasper, this is the best thing!" she tried to convince me. In vain.

"No! This is not your problem, not your fight! It's me! I am the weak one…" I shouted out.

"Don't be absurd, Jasper. I'd never let you go on your own…And they simply love us too much to not follow us. It's as easy as that. Take us all or leave the idea behind."

I considered that for a while, staring in Alice's determined eyes. There really seemed no way out.

"And where do you see us going, then?" I asked, admitting my defeat.

"Denali…We'll be there in three days! Tania will be overjoyed!" she beamed.

"Yeah…I bet she won't mind having Edward around… - I grinned, but suddenly returned serious – and Bella? What will happen to her? Can you see anything?"

I feared her answer, but she shook her head, her expression somewhat torn.

"I'll miss her…" she whispered.

I sighed. Another scar on my guilty conscience.

"She asked me about how you felt and also to tell you that she is not mad at you, not at all!" she smiled slightly.

"She really is a strange girl…but I'll never forget this. She is kind and makes Edward happy. We owe her. I'll try to be good. I'll try for all of you and for her as well. I just can't believe Edward will leave her like this."

"Nor I…And still, you would believe I'd leave you. Do you think I feel less strongly for you than he does for her? I am offended." she pouted.

Tonight opening my mouth, either to bite or to speak, really seemed not to bring anything good!

"I know how you feel, Alice. And I am grateful for that, every single second, but I don't think I deserve it. You are simply too awesome for such a disaster as me! You might change your mind one day!"

"Never, you silly fool!" she answered looking in my eyes, before descending on my lips and kissing them, in a way that spoke forgiveness, love and passion.

"I love you too, Alice Whitlock…and I am sorry. I'll try." I vowed, as soon as she moved slightly away.

"You'll be fine - She said, of course – No, we'll be fine!"

I sighed and kissed her again, forgetting about all my worries for now.


	3. Phone calls

Hello! Hope you are still with me… 

In this chapter we find Jasper very worried again.

Alice has left for Italy with Bella to save Edward, without explaining much and Jasper is on his own for three long, devastating days. How does he fare?

Not so well, of course, but then again, Alice's voice, even if just on the phone, can turn his whole world upside down.

Please, read and review…This is very important to me and to anyone who writes, actually! Just let me know what you think. Pretty please?? 

Enjoy and thanks for reading!

Mad

Chapter 3

**Jasper's POV**

This was getting out of control. I could not stand there without doing anything when Alice was flying to Italy. Italy, of all places! And why on Earth wasn't she calling me? I was going mad. Waiting to hear from her was even worse than not knowing what she was doing exactly.

I shouldn't have let her go to visit Bella. What if something happened to her? What if next time it was me defying the Volturi to make them kill me, because there was no more reason for me to live?

"Oh, Alice!" I murmured, with my head in my hands.

I felt Emmet enter the room and an immense feeling of distress washed over me.

"Where's Rose?" he asked.

"I don't know, Em. I barely know where my own wife is! Isn't she with Esme and Carlisle?"

"No! Damn it… - he paced anxiously – I bet she's left. She was upset about what she has told Edward."

"Oh, no…Great!" I whispered.

"I'll go after her. You try to understand what the plan is…Staying here is totally useless!" he said and walked hurriedly out of the room. I couldn't agree more.

I was still watching at the door when the damn phone rang at last.

"Thank heaven! – I exclaimed and then reached out to grab the phone – Hello, Alice?"

"Yeah…hi, Jasper!" her voice felt like a rush of fresh air to me.

"Are you all right? Where the hell are you? And Bella?" I asked, trying to think straight.

"She's here with me, we are one the plane and we are fine, Jasper. Don't worry."

"Sure thing, Alice! - I cried out, exasperated - How bad is it? What is he going to do?"

"I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind… - she answered, worry clear in her lovely voice - A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square…mostly things that would expose them—he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction…"

What? My brother really had lost his mind. I wish I had been able to do something for him…but then again, I had already done too much. Had I not triggered this series of catastrophes trying to bite the love of his life!?

"Damn! I just can't believe it! – I paused a while, trying to contemplate all the possible, catastrophic consequences - Alice, it's too dangerous! I can't bear to sit here while you are about to risk your life! I am packing, now! I'll catch the next flight for Italy. I'll be there in…"

"No, you can't." Alice's voice dropped and panic rushed through me.

"Oh Alice, why ever not? Emmet and I…" How could we not be helpful? We could come in handy if there ever was a fight. Wait…There was not going to be a fight! Absolutely not! I couldn't even think about such a possibility.

"Tell Emmett no…" Alice pleaded.

"He's left already! He's gone after Rose. She left unnoticed. I guess she felt guilty…" Why hadn't _she_ thought about the consequences? She knew how much Edward loved Bella, for God's sake! Was there anyone of us who had showed some kind of sensibility about this in the last months, a part from Carlisle and Esme?

"Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back…– Alice continued - Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"

"He'd probably try to stop us from stopping him…expose himself faster. That's what I would do." I reckoned.

"Exactly. – she agreed - I think Bella is the only chance—if there is a chance… I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."

My eyes closed. I hoped very, very hard that she would ask me to rush to her. Now.

No way, I knew. I sighed, acknowledging defeat. I had to trust her.

"Ok, fine! But I swear that if this goes wrong and somehow he survives, I'll kill Edward myself. I mean it! Oh, and please, when you find him safe and sound with a car lifted above his head can you punch him hard in the groin for me?" I said half-mockingly. Honestly, if this really did go ill, I would have probably tried to kill him!

Alice laughed my favourite laughter, but somehow she sounded tense and in pain. "I've thought of that…" she said. Trust her to laugh so irresistibly in such a dramatic moment! I felt burning…

"Please, please, promise me that you'll be careful and that you'll come back to me just as perfect as you left! Or I'll be next in defying the Volturi for death." I was serious now, no mocking in my voice.

"Yes, I promise." she pleaded again.

"I could help, you know? I would not try to talk to Edward. Or hit him…I'd just be there with you. It wouldn't take long for me to…" My last, useless attempt.

"Don't follow me. I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out…And I love you."

"I love you too, Alice…Be safe, please. You are my only reason..."

She hung up and I felt empty and sick.

I could not stay here, helpless like this, so I launched myself in the forest, after Emmet and Rosalie, half-hoping not to find them.

But, in the end I knew I would.

In the end, I knew I could only trust Alice.

*****************************************************

**3 days later**

To be someone who had lived in hell for a century, it seemed incredible that now I could feel even worse than then. But I should have known that living in love would cause much stronger emotions. I was not insensitive, after all. And how many times had I heard that love was the strongest force of all? I was sure of it now.

When I was with Maria, most of my days were spent feeling thirst, rage, hate and vengeance, all mixed up with my pride, my confidence in my peculiar "weapons", my desire of improvement…

Now, all my life turned around love. Love for my family, for my strange existence, but above all, love for my light, for my peaceful shelter, love for my Alice.

Not having her by me even for some hours was usually very difficult, infuriating even. Her place, I knew, was by my side, possibly with her lips on me or with her hands touching my arm, my hand, my face…

We had never been as flamboyant as Rosalie and Emmet, but it was almost impossible for us not to touch anytime we were close. It was automatic, necessary, like breathing, like hunting. It didn't need to be something excessive. No. Holding hands or caressing briefly was more than enough. When we were in public, of course.

When we were alone, we had all the time and the room to give each other everything.

Loving Alice was a full-time occupation for me. My whole day, my actions, my thoughts (now that I was determined in perfecting my self-discipline!), my breaths were all for her.

With Alice, it was all or nothing. I would never allow myself to make her feel even slightly worse than the day before. It all had to be great, perfect, sweet, passionate and fierce. Every single time, every single thing. Alice did not deserve less than that.

We did match, we were perfectly compatible. All she did was pure bliss for me and she knew every inch of my scarred body and my turbulent mind. I would not have wanted it to be any different than that.

After more than 70 years with her, nothing had changed. My love was stronger and as unconditional as it was when I first kissed her soft lips.

Even at the time, every second without her seemed like an eternity.

And now I had been on my own for three days. Three wretched, sad and terrifying days.

I was so imprisoned in my own agony that nothing else seemed to register on me much. Esme's despair for her two children and for Bella; Carlisle's worry over so many different things, on top of which were the three lives of those he loved; Emmet's restlessness and impatience at being stuck here without being able to comfort Rose, who was wallowing in guilt and fear.

No news had reached us. Their cell phones were off and we were left completely blind, too used to having Edward and Alice as windows on both present and future.

I walked outside the door of our house in Forks, needing some fresh air to clear my thoughts. We had returned here just after Alice's departure for Italy.

I found Emmet on the porch, sitting silently in the sun. I hadn't even noticed him sneaking out.

"How is Rose?" I asked, trying to distract myself.

"Even worse than before…" he sighed, shaking his head. He looked…depressed. Emmet and depression were not two matching concepts.

Emmet was the funny one, Carlisle was the wise one, Esme the tender one, Rose the vain one, Alice the playful one, I the grumpy one and Edward the responsible one. And that was fact.

Still, it seemed like things were changing quite a bit around here: Emmet was depressed, Rose was genuinely worrying about someone other than her, Alice was scared to death, Edward was as far as responsible as one could get, Esme was tormented; Carlisle was starting to consider some very reckless courses of action.

I…I was grumpy through and through, still. But worse than usual. I was empty.

I sat by my brother, staring in the distance.

"Waiting without being able to help is hard…" he muttered.

"Waiting without knowing what is going on is even harder…" I replied. Though Emmet wasn't exactly perceptive when it came to feelings, he would know what I meant.

"I know…I am sorry…I have not been very supportive, have I? I keep on complaining, but I know that you must feel…feel…" he struggled for words. I provided help.

"Empty."

He looked at me. "She'll be back. They all will." He then said. I thanked him for saying that. I knew words were just words, but it helped the slightest bit nonetheless.

"Yeah…she said so too." I remembered her words in the last call.

"She's usually right…" he added. "Do you remember when she predicted Edward would fall in love soon? She got us laughing, but she was right, in the end!"

I remembered. We had all laughed at that idea. Edward was commonly known as a self-sufficient, stubborn creature. He had never been interested in girls at all. We were all starting to be worried! Especially after he had totally ignored Tanya's evident interest.

"This is nothing…You have no idea how I felt when I met her the first time! I was terrified. She knew me better than myself." I shook my head, smiling at the recollection.

Emmet laughed softly. "She is something, that girl. It's almost impossible not to love her. A part from when Edward and her start talking from their heads. She understands us better than anybody else."

I could only nod, silently.

I started thinking about Edward, Emmet and I. We had all been saved by our love. Emmet had literally been saved by Rose, Alice had saved me from an existence of despair, humiliation and wild thirst and Edward had been saved from numbness and solitude by the most unlikely of saviours…a human girl, who was now on a rescue trip again.

To think that in my world, men were supposed to protect and save women and not the other way round. Go figure…

I was lost in thought when the long awaited sound awakened me, relieving some of the agony from my chest.

My phone rang. I took it out of my pocket and after a few seconds the whole family was there.

"Yes?" I answered, afraid that I would be somehow disappointed.

"Jasper? It's me!"

I felt like flying, exploding and shouting at the same time. I stood up. Well, jumped up, more like.

"Alice! Thank God you are alive! Where are you? Is everyone ok?" I asked, anxiously now. I saw Esme and Carlise hug and then Rose run to Emmet.

"We are on the plane, coming back. We are fine. It's over." She answered. I could not believe it. All the shock of the past three days seemed to wash over me again, before dissolving.

"Is this true? You are not just saying this, right?" I asked, doubtful. I had to make sure.

"Yes, Jasper. I'll be in your arms again tonight!" Alice answered. Her voice got me shiver and burn.

"When's your plane landing?" I asked, eager to listen to her voice again, to make sure I was not having a good dream.

"Tonight. 6 pm." She said.

"We'll be there! Waiting for you."

"I am looking forward of seeing you again. It's been too long." She whispered now, longingly.

"Don't tell me."

"See you later, Jasper. I love you." She said. Those words always gave me the goosebumps.

"Love you more." I vowed, anxious to repeat those words to her face and to prove them true for the millionth time.


	4. Burning

Hello there!

Chapter 4 for you a bit earlier than planned.

Jasper waits for Alice's return from Italy, with a very poor patience for an immortal vampire his age! Bet then again, the outcome is worth the waiting.

There are some pretty 'evocative' images at the end, so you've been warned, should you mind that.

Thanks for reading and PLEASE review, if you feel like it.

As usual: none of this is mine. Characters and events you recognise belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Enjoy!

Chapter 4

**Jasper's POV**

"Em, can't you possibly speed up a little? We are almost going backwards!" I whined, drumming my fingers on the back door of the car.

How far could the airport be? It always seemed so close to me before!

And now that I needed to get there fast to avoid losing my mind completely it seemed like in another state altogether. Ugh.

I could perceive Rosalie's emotions from the front seat: she was terrified. Completely miserable. Hard as I tried I could not help feeling she deserved a little bit of misery herself. After all, this unexpected trip to Italy of half our family had been her fault too. I was not giving her all the blame, naturally, but she had her share.

Emmet's seemed to feel better, since he knew that one way or the other the 'little hitch' between Rose and Edward would soon be solved. Still, he was also a bit annoyed. At me, I could tell.

I continued my drumming, which got louder and louder by the minute. It was just so frustrating to have to be trapped in this car and move on once in a century at a slug speed!

"Can you stop it, Jazz? You are making me flip out!" Emmet suddenly shouted in frustration.

"I hate back-ups!!" I muttered, grumpily.

"Then let me knock you out and make this easier for you to bear!" Emmet replied. He really sounded pissed, now.

I tried to control my fingers, but it seemed pretty difficult.

Tension was thick in the air, but at last the airport could be seen in the distance. I looked up watching at the planes coming and going and wondering whether 'my whole world' was on one of those or still far away. I sighed and closed my eyes briefly, already savouring the relief to come.

When my eyes flipped open again we were parked in the airport lot.

"Here we are, Mr. Nagging!" Emmet called.

I got out of the car quickly and started running towards the terminal, without turning to see whether Emmet, Rose, Esme and Carlisle (who had come with another car) were following or not.

It seemed that Alice's flight was 10 minutes late. Just awesome! More waiting. I was sure I would have a panic attack in minutes.

Esme and Carlisle entered from the sliding doors and reached me, without speaking. They were tense as well. Esme especially. Carlisle kept his arm around her waist for comfort. I began pacing, ignoring the plastic chairs behind me.

We were quite early of course, but I had been completely unable to remain home any longer. I simply could not stay there without her anymore.

It seemed like an eternity afterwards that a voice from the speakers announced. "Flight ATL9853U5 has just landed on runway 26 instead of runway 9."

"What?" I spitted. Was this a joke?

"It's the other way!" Esme pointed.

I moved through the crowd as a maniac, not paying much attention about where or with whom I was actually clashing.

I reached the right terminal after mere seconds, nervously.

If Alice only had a mere hair out of place I would be snapping at a whomever was close. I shuddered at the thought, hoping even more fervently that Alice would be just fine!

I sat down this time, waiting for Esme and Carlisle to catch up with me. They looked at each other, their glances both worried and slightly amused at the same time. I was sure I would look like a lion in a cage to them.

A century later the sliding doors opened and my stomach relaxed from the tight knot it had become.

Alice appeared, like a vision, perfectly fine. Behind her was Edward, holding Bella, who looked like she could be sleeping on her feet. I did not really paid attention to them.

Alice locked her eyes in mine, ran to me swiftly and stopped just a few feet from my eager body.

I stood there frozen in that moment of perfection, unable to move. We did not hug or touch; we simply looked into each other's eyes. That was all it took to deliver all those trapped, unspoken words. We were oblivious to what was going on around us. I could barely feel Esme's joy and Carlisle's relief. My mind was focused on the loveliest creature on Earth and so it would be forever.

After a solid, silent minute, Alice grabbed my hand, sending shivers through my craving body and my reloading mind, and guided me to the backseat of the car, where Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us.

Not a word was shared during the trip home. Carlisle and Esme talked quietly, while we simply looked at each other as a kid would do on his first trip to Disneyworld, to say the least. Awe, perfect happiness and completeness. Total bliss.

The trip home was so different from that to the airport: it simply flew away.

We walked inside the house, feeling the relief of being all together. Or almost. Emmet was with Rose, still in the garage. I could hear them talking softly.

Edward was surely with Bella now, and with good reasons. I felt slightly guilty for not even saying 'Hi' or 'Sorry' to her, but I would make it up someday. When I was strong enough to do that properly.

For now, all that mattered was that Alice was back where she belonged: by my side. Very closely pinned by my side, actually.

Then why was she running away from me?

But of course.

She walked to where Esme and Carlisle now stood and hugged them briefly, before turning and unleashing all the full force of her golden eyes on me.

I felt like burning. Melting. Craving.

She grabbed my hand again and dragged me to our bedroom, as she had done just some months before, after the close tragedy on Bella's birthday. And still, the feeling was so different, naturally.

As soon as the door closed behind us we were in each other's arms. Starving, ravenous.

I left no part of her miraculous face unkissed, no spot of her perfect body ignored, no millimetre of her silken skin untouched.

I was memorising her under my hands, my lips and my own skin, again and again as if this was the very first time, the last one, and the best one of all.

Hours passed and morning found us still entangled and cuddling.

Alice had not uttered a single word, a part from pleasant moans anytime my hands worked on her flushed skin.

All of a sudden, I felt the need to hear her tinkling voice.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, Alice Whitlock. – I whispered, kissing the tip of her nose - I might manage to stop craving human blood, but I will never win against my thirst, my need for you. Nor I plan to."

"You'll never have to. I won't leave without you again! It was agony…"

she whispered back.

"Don't tell me."

"You have no idea what a relief I felt when I knew I would see you in less than 24 hours…" she smiled at me.

"And of course, you could not call me to ease my pain as well, right?" I teased.

"I was a bit stuck!" she defended herself.

"That figures…" I admitted.

I was so happy, back to my Disneyworld perfect bubble, that I started to tickle her shamelessly, waiting for her sure-to-come reaction.

She did not disappoint, of course. And whenever had she?


	5. Sleepover club

Hiya, there!

I am almost done, but for now here's my favourite chapter. I loved writing this and I hope you'll actually like reading it as well! If so, would you PLEASE tell me? lol Sorry, but reviews would be welcome! Pretty please?? It doesn't take long!

In this chapter, Jasper talks to Bella, after the battle against the newborns in _Eclipse_. Our Jazz has many things to say…

DISCLAIMER: Still not mine!

Hope you'll enjoy!

Thanks for reading, Mad.

Chapter 5

**JASPER'S POV**

"You don't have to do this. – Edward whispered – You know she's not mad at you. She can't hold grudges!"

We had just reached Bella's house and we were standing under her bedroom. Nobody could hear us, of course, but I did not like the idea of being caught plotting under a girl's window.

"I know she's not mad at me, Edward, but humour me. She'll be my sister soon and I don't want any stain on our relationship even before it starts." I replied calmly. I was sure Edward could understand this.

He chuckled, knowing how thoroughly I had prepared for tonight. I had been out hunting the whole day with Alice and was absolutely determined and in control of my wild side. I knew I could manage this, without a doubt. Edward, though, still seemed to have some troubles taking me seriously.

"You should warn her, though… - I suggested, then – I am not sure she'll love seeing _me_ sneak in her room instead of you. She'll shout, waking Charlie, who will burst into the room with a gun, not finding me there of course. But it would be quite a bummer, actually!"

Edward laughed a bit louder this time. "Ok, ok…I got it. Wait here! I'll be right back…" he said, before jumping smoothly up to Bella's window.

They talked quietly for a while and I could feel Bella's heart quicken its pace and then quieten again. I tried to ignore that. Thinking about her pulsing heart was not helping, no matter how much in control I felt.

Edward was by my side again in a few minutes, a soft smile on his face. He could not help it: any time he saw Bella, his face simply lit up.

"She's waiting for you… - he said - I'll try not to listen, I promise. Take your time, alright? I'll wait here." He looked relaxed, but I could tell that this was not entirely true.

"Thanks, Edward – I answered, placing my hand onto his arm – Don't worry, I am fine, really. Totally in control." I felt his arm's muscles relax a bit under my touch, without me needing to calm him down with my subtler power.

He patted my back and smiled. "I know!"

I hesitated a bit before jumping up, giving Bella some more time to get used to the idea of having _me_ in her small room.

I reached the open window and then peeked in the dimly lit bedroom: Bella was sitting cross-legged on her bed, waiting with a curious expression. Her scent was powerful, overwhelming, but I ignored it, using every bit of strength I had. It seemed to work. It had to work, because I couldn't possibly hold my breath the whole time, with all that I had to say.

"Hi" she said, softly.

"Hey, Bella! – I waved tentatively – Sorry about this. I won't take up much of your time, I promise. Can I come in?" I was still perched uncomfortably onto the windowsill.

"Sure! – she sounded quite steady and convinced, while she gestured for me to enter – make yourself at home!". She was smiling and I found myself wondering at this human, breakable, helpless girl who was by far braver than many other creatures I had met.

I jumped inside, soundlessly, and leaned against the wall beside the window. "This is nice! – I commented, speaking about the room – simple and welcoming. Bit unconventional. It suits you very well."

"Yeah…I love this room!" she nodded.

"I don't know how much Edward told you about my visit, Bella. I wanted to talk to you, if you don't mind."

"Of course not…I am curious, actually! I hope you are not here to reproach me about my…erm…unorthodox battle techniques." she was probably remembering her stunt during the battle against the newborns army, just a couple of days before.

I chuckled. This girl was really something. She had guts. I had to give Edward that.

"No, no, it's not that, really. On the contrary…you were great! - I assured – I just realised I have never really apologised for…well, for your last birthday." I sucked big time at this apologizing stuff.

She frowned a little and looked at me as if I were joking. "Jasper, there's no need! I am not mad at you! I've never been. Haven't Alice and Edward told you this?"

"Yes, yes they have, – I hastened to say - but I wanted to do this right, anyway. You'll soon be part of our family…well, you already are. I don't like feeling like this, really."

She laughed softly. "You are forgiven then, if it matters so much to you. No hard feelings."

I smiled at her, actually feeling better. "I know I am not like Alice or Emmet. I am neither as funny, nor as accommodating, but I want to make sure you know this is not personal. I am just grumpy like that. I have absolutely nothing against you! Please, catch that! I do like you, really! In a good way!"

"Likewise." she answered, her eyes a little surprised, but not afraid.

"Actually, we all owe you…Me no less that the others." I continued.

"Erm…you are loosing me here, Jasper." Could she really not see what I meant?

I started pacing in the small room, which made it somehow easier for me to speak. "Before you came to Forks, Edward and I had never really had a very deep relationship. Good, yes, but never deep. We lived together, hunted together, spent some time together, but it was difficult. For both of us." I told her, remembering too well how the situation was up until less than two years before.

"How so? – she enquired – You seem pretty close to me, now!"

"Now, Bella, now. You see, before he met you, Edward was somehow self-sufficient, but never totally fulfilled. He lived with three perfectly happy couples and he tried very much not to feel bothered about it. He kept himself busy: studying languages or music; reading books, watching movies…But deep down he was numb. He could hide this to the others, but he could not fool me…not with this empathy gift I have. I felt what he felt and it hurt, because I had gone through such a thing myself, before Alice, that is."

Bella was looking at me intently. Her eyes wide and somehow sad.

"We could not bear to be in the same room for long…I felt his emptiness and he could see it in my thoughts that it bothered me somehow. So, we simply tried to avoid each other's minds and feelings as much as we could. Not out of spite, no. Out of respect."

"I see…" Bella's sadness deepened.

"This hurt Alice, naturally. You know how fond she is of Edward…She would never admit that to my face, though. And then, then you came, with that wretched smell of yours! - I shook my head, laughing lightly – Edward's numbness simply dissolved, turning him into the Edward he is now. And you have no idea how much I enjoy spending my time with him! Em is fun, sure, but Edward is another thing altogether. So, you see why I owe you. You gave me, us, a new brother. Thank you!"

She did not answer. She seemed to be on the verge of tears, though. Had I overdone it? Oh, damn…

But then, after a minute, she smiled at me.

"We'll see if you'll thank _him_ too for giving you a new, bloodthirsty sister!" The little fun in her words soon left room for a new emotion in her eyes: fear.

I knew exactly what she meant. And I understood her fear of what was to come after the transformation. Alice had told me about Bella's worries as well.

"Sure I will thank him, Bella! – I assured her, soothingly – It's going to be alright, we'll watch over you…"

"I know, Jasper, but what if I manage to escape and…and hurt someone. Someone I love, maybe. What if I hurt you and the others…I don't want to give you more scars." she uttered shyly, absent-mindedly staring at my exposed forearm.

I smiled briefly. I did not want to give her the impression that I was underestimating her fears. "Don't worry about it, Bella. Some more bites won't make much of a difference. I'll live…though, I'd appreciate it if you bit Edward instead!"

"Oh no! – she whimpered, holding her knees up to her chest - I'll be a mess!"

"No, you won't…After all, you are totally unconventional!"

"But what if I can't stick to the vegetarian life of the Cullens! Even you seem to have problems with that after years!" she was genuinely worried.

Probably I was not the best person in the world to talk about this! Nope…

I tried, anyway.

"You are stronger than most humans, Bella. This must count for something. You'll make it…Which brings me to the second reason of my visit here tonight."

She raised her eyes to look at me again, curiosity coming back.

I had stopped pacing sometime during our speech. I moved closer to her bed and took my silver key-ring out of the back pocket of my jeans.

"When Alice and I moved in with the Cullens, I could not find a true motivation for this different life style at first. As much as I was sick of hurting people, I was not sure I could help it. I couldn't adjust for long and fell may times. – I sighed. Many, many times - But then, I realised that my motivation had been with me all along. I found my reason…which is still very firm in me."

I held the key-ring out for her to take and examine.

"Here. Open it!" I invited. She did as I asked, probably wondering how such an important reason could be closed in a small silver locket. Then there was surprise and her mouth opened, forming an "O".

"Is this… - she struggled for words – is this you and Alice on your wedding day?" she asked, in awe, still looking at the picture inside the locket.

"Yes. That is my reason. Alice and the love she somehow feels for me, no matter what a mess I am. - I explained, intentionally using her own expression – Whenever I feel weak, or feel my determination falter, I look at this or touch it and it's not so difficult anymore."

She handed the key-ring back to me. "That's…that's very sweet, Jasper." she whispered.

I took a second, slightly bigger key-ring out of my other pocket. "And now look at this."

She was less hesitant this time, as she opened the second locket.

Her breath caught in her throat as she did so, though.

"This is for you. – I explained – My personal welcome gift. I know how you feel about presents and all, but please, accept it."

I moved closer to her, to explain better.

"A picture of Edward and yourself, to remind you he'll always be there for you, no matter what; a picture of Renée and Charlie, to remind you how their love made you what you are and a pic of your new family, who'll do their best to protect and love you!"

For what seemed to be the tenth time tonight she was left speechless by my small gift and her heart was flying in her chest, so loud that it was hard for me to ignore. I did so anyway.

"I…this is the best gift you could have given me, Jasper. Thank you." She looked at me, her eyes full of unshed tears, and then she looked at the opened locket again, running her fingers delicately onto it.

"Thank you – I replied, smiling – and welcome to the family!"

She closed the locket and stroked it one more time.

"I'd better leave, now. – I said – Somebody's getting a bit impatient down there…You'd think he'd have learnt to wait after 100 years!"

I chuckled. I could clearly hear Edward pacing to and fro and sighing like the lost lover he was.

Bella chuckled too.

"Bye, Bella. I'll see you soon." I whispered, turning to walk to the window.

I was about to leap when something warm and soft grabbed my stony hand. Electricity washed through me, but I fought it back without much struggle.

I turned to face Bella again and her hand was holding mine delicately.

"I'll make you all proud of me, Jasper – she exclaimed, tightening her hold, before releasing my hand – I promise!"

"I know, Bella, I know. Bye." I winked and jumped off the window in one swift movement.

I landed just beside Edward.

"She's all yours. Unscathed." I told him, smiling.

"How did you come up with the locket?" he asked, after a silent pause. He seemed somewhat in admiration. Ha!

"Bites me!" I answered and ran off, getting lost into the forest, chuckling.

###########################

So? What do you think?


	6. Quizzes and puzzles!

Here I am!

Sorry if it took a bit longer than usual for me to post this new chapter, but I've had a messy week…

I hope you'll enjoy this, nonetheless!

Not that I believe you'll tell me! lol

No reviews…meh!

No matter…I just want to finish this and I will.

As usual: nothing you do recognize from The Twilight saga belongs to me! All Stephenie Meyer's stuff!

Thanks for reading!

Mad.

**Chapter 6**

**Jasper's POV**

"Alice, please! This is just…just…" I pleaded, in vain.

"This is just fun! Oh, Jazz, don't be difficult. It's just three questions! For me?" Oh, damn. There was no way that I could say 'no!', not to those wonderful eyes of hers, dazzling me like that.

Usually, Alice's plans were alright, really. Only, they did not commonly involve one of those silly girly magazines with absurd couple quizzes.

"Ok – I answered in defeat – but do you mind telling me why we specifically need to do this in the living ro…"

I did not need an answer to my incomplete question…Sitting on the huge living room sofa were Bella and Edward. My mouth fell slightly.

Alice did not want me, us, to answer a ridiculous couple quiz in front of them, right? No, definitely not!

"I thought we might need a little bit of perspective…and four is better than two, right?" she flashed an irresistible smile. She meant business. Uh-oh!

"Don't think we did not try to talk her out of it, Jazz." Edward assured me, reading my mind from his comfortable cocoon of love. Bella was quietly sitting in his lap, with her arms around his neck…

I could not see how he managed that. I did know that my brother was strong. Much stronger than me, actually. But this, this kind of self-control was just something I would never be able to achieve, not even after 500 years of abstinence!

"Hi, Bella! - I grinned politely, feeling quite sorry for her. She did not seem much better at showing her feelings than me. – "What did you do to deserve this?" I asked gesturing towards Alice and the magazine in her hands.

"I fell for your brother, – she answered, ruffling Edward's hair – does that count?"

"No, sorry! I am afraid not!" I answered.

Bella was definitely growing on me. Honestly, I did love her like a sister already. Blood running in her veins a part, she was absolutely fine.

"You are wasting some precious time! Sit down, sit down!" Alice interrupted our conversation and pushed me towards the other sofa. Then she sat down excitedly, dragging me down with her.

I had the strangest image passing in my head: I saw me with long, thin strings attached to my arms, legs and head, being pulled into a wild dance by Alice, the master of puppets!

Edward laughed out loud.

"What is it?" Alice and Bella asked in unison.

"Nothing!" I answered, flashing Edward a stern stare, before he could attempt to tell the truth and gain me a massive bluster from Alice afterwards.

"Let's start, then! – Alice went on – Boys shall answer first."

"Did you doubt it?" Edward commented, looking at me. I smiled briefly…and thought about the next twenty minutes of horror. I'd rather fought another army of newborns, actually. To be true, I had never been very vocal about my feelings; not because I was ashamed of them, but because I had never needed words for that. I simply had to concentrate hard enough onto my own emotions and feelings to let the others know exactly what was passing through me.

Edward, naturally, did not need me to use my gift to know what was going on. And still, talking about my relationship with Alice in front of him and Bella made me uncomfortable.

"Ok. Here goes. – Alice's voice woke me up from my thoughts. - Question n.1: What's your partner's favourite part of your body?"

Alice looked at me expectantly.

WHAT?? And I thought this was going to be bad!!! I was wrong: this was going to be my personal nightmare!

"Jazz?" Alice nudged me lightly, which got me thinking about a plausible answer to the ridiculous question.

Ok…Erm…I had no idea whatsoever. I did not care, really. As long as she loved me, the rest did not really matter. My face, maybe…Nah, too banal. My eyes, then. Hmmm, possible. What about my back. Likely. Even I had nothing to say about it. Oh, no! Wait, my…

"Jasper!!" Edward interrupted my thinking.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"She is my sister, for God's sake!" he explained.

Oh. Ok. He had seen some, erm, quite graphic images of me and Alice, probably. But I was only making a mental list and it was not my fault that he was such an annoying know-it-all!

"Sorry…" I said, nonetheless. "My hands?" I blurted out without really thinking, tentatively.

My hands???

Edward giggled, and I flashed him a murder glance, which sobered him up slightly. However I saw that he was trying very hard not to laugh openly. He surely knew something I didn't.

"Not quite, but close! – Alice said vaguely. Close? How close? – Actually, I do like your ears…"

Edward cracked. He laughed so hard that Bella had to roll off his lap to avoid falling down the sofa.

"Hey, hey, hey! My ears are…well, they are kind of cute! Not one bite on them! – I retorted – Let's have your guess, smart-pants!"

My ears?!? This was embarrassing. Really, I should have seen it coming: Alice LOVED playing with my ears. She was utterly creative about that, too. But with all the things she could have said, she had to go for the ears??

"Yes, what's your guess, Edward?" Bella asked, one of her eyebrow lifting a little.

Edward stopped laughing. _'Ha!_ - I thought - _See how it feels!' _

He seemed to consider it briefly.

"The eyes, I think." He then answered, confidently. Bella's face fell a little.

Damn, he was right! And he knew it…

"Yeah… - she confirmed – and…" she stopped and blushed. Ah. This was not the best thing to do, but I was getting used to her by now, and was only slightly bothered by it.

"And?" Edward pressed, curiously.

"And the lips…" Bella continued, in a whisper, watching at her own feet.

"Oh, how cute!" Alice commented, her eyes glittering.

"And what about you, ladies? What's your answer?" I asked, trying to ease the tension.

Of course I knew what I would go for: I loved every bit of Alice like mad, but my favourite of all were her neck and her back. No doubt. Still, I was not sure whether she wou…

"My back!" I heard Alice state with such decision, that I started to suspect she could read minds too. Mine at least.

"Yeah…" I admitted, taken aback. Damn. I tried not to think about any peculiar involvement between me and Alice's back, for Edward's sake.

"Thanks, Jazz, very decent – he said – Bella?"

"Ehm – she did not seem as sure of her own assumption as Alice had been – I couldn't say…My throat, maybe?" she tried, in a mocking tone.

The girl had a black sense of humour!

I chuckled and even Alice had a hard time trying to keep a straight face.

"Hey! I do love her throat but NOT for the reason you two are thinking! – Edward said, grumpily – You know I love everything of you, Bella. Especially your chocolate eyes!" Uh-oh…Awkward moment. Again.

"What's the second question, Alice?" I asked stupidly. Alice thought I was starting to enjoy this.

"That's the spirit, Jazz! - she exclaimed, beaming up at me. Exactly! – Question n.2: Could you describe your partner in three words?"

How much more banal could this thing become?

Ok…Focus…three words.

"Unpredictable, (which teases me to hell and back, since she can predict almost anything), creative and absolutely perfect!" See, I could play the mushy one, if I wanted to. Not that I was lying: Alice was all that and much more.

"Thank you!" she said and kissed my cheek, tenderly.

There! Now I was enjoying the wretched quiz alright!

"I'd say, she's…all my life. Three words." This was Edward's answer, which I had to admit had quite an impact. Trust him to be even mushier than me.

It was Alice's turn. "Easy! My soul-mate forever."

"Likewise." That's all I could answer. I would have probably crumbled and fallen at Alice's knees begging her to end this absurdity and use her time in a more sensible way. Like loving me silly. But we were not on our own, so…

I hardly heard Bella's answer. "Edward's…all that matters."

All this mushiness was honestly messing with my head. I deeply hoped that last question would be a bit more relaxing.

Fat chance. Question n.3 was nothing less than: "What's your partner's dream concerning your couple or you?"

Bella was quick this time. "Oh, well, where do I begin? He'd love more time, to buy me a faster car, to pay my tuition. I could go on for ages!"

But Edward seemed to disagree this time.

"I protest! You are completely mistaken. You know very well what my biggestand only dream is…" He delicately grabbed Bella's left hand and touched the beautiful ring there.

"Technically, Edward, that's hardly a dream, since she is going to be your wife in a month." I pointed out.

I looked at Alice, who was, again, ready to answer.

"You'd love to bring me on a trip around Europe and visit Paris, Rome, London and Prague."

I had never told her this, but I had decided to buy the tickets just before Edward and Bella announced their wedding. With Bella's decision to be turned into a vampire soon, though, I could not leave and therefore I had had to give up the idea for a while.

But of course, she knew!

"We will go, if you want." I promised. I really wanted to…but I was ready to wait as long as was needed.

"Bella's wildest dream is to become a monster! Easy…" Edward answered chuckling, a mocking tone in his voice. Bella punched him slightly on the shoulders. Hurting herself. She did not complain, actually.

It was my turn again, but I was in the dark. Completely. I had no inkling, no ideas, nothing. At all.

"I got nothing!" I whispered. But Alice was not disappointed. Nor angry. Actually, she was tense.

"Oh, no, Alice! No way! You too!" Edward blurted out and then started laughing again.

"What?" it was my turn now to ask the question in unison with Bella.

"Don't laugh! - said Alice, slightly offended now – It was only a fleeting thought!"

"No, it wasn't! Don even try it! – Edward disagreed, teasing – And don't lecture me on thoughts, Alice. This is a huge dream."

Alice crossed her arms onto her chest and Edwards shook his head, smiling. Bella was staring at the scene, bemused.

"Hey! This concerns me, too! Do you mind sharing??" I asked, starting to feel frustrated.

"It's nothing, Jazz!" Alice said, quickly.

"Yes, it is! – I insisted – You would not look like you were about to be sick otherwise!"

"Come on, Alice… - Edward encouraged her – It's not like you are confessing a crime!"

"Please, Alice. You are scaring me!" I told her. I was really starting to worry...

Silence followed. Alice, at long last, looked at me, her face twisted in what I could not define exactly. Tension, indecision, embarrassment…

"I'd love to… - she paused again. Too long. – I'd love to marry you again…" She then finished in a whisper.

Edward chuckled again and Bella looked astonished now.

Wait a moment…It was Rosalie who usually forced Emmet to remarry her every other year just for the sake of seeing herself in a mirror with a new wedding-dress. This was not something Alice was interested in. She wasn't vain at all…

"I am afraid you misunderstand Alice's real meaning behind this, brother…" Edward explained.

I looked straight into her unbelievably deep eyes. What was going on in that funny head of hers?

"Alice…" I murmured, reaching out to take her small hand into mine.

"Don't be mad, Jazz…It was just a thought. We don't have to…I am fine like this, really. I am sorry. I'm sure you know that I love you, and that you do not need further proofs, but the day I married you was the happiest of my life, and…Oh, I don't know what came over me…" Words came out like a swelling river, which was unusual for her. Her eyes left mine to stare down at the floor, which was something I could not bear.

"Love… – I soothed her, grabbing her chin delicately – Hey! What is all this? Look at me! - She complied – Is that what you really want? Tell me the truth, please!"

I could not stand seeing Alice in such discomfort.

"Yes…I do." She admitted, in defeat.

Without even thinking about Bella and Edward being there, I hugged her and held her tight.

"Why haven't you ever told me, Alice?" I asked, curious and somehow disappointed because I had failed to see something which seemed important so her.

"I…I know you hate being in the spotlight…" She said, her head buried in my sweatshirt.

So it was because of me. Because I was so stubbornly private. And such a moron!

"You know what, Alice? I'd very much like remarrying you…again and again!" I said determinedly, kissing her head.

It was about time for me to do something for her. Something that would make her happy. As happy as having her near made me.

"Really?" she asked, lifting her head to look at me.

"Really! – I assured her – That was most certainly the best thing I ever did. Making you my wife."

She kissed me fiercely on the lips. Pure bliss…

It was a while before we both realised where we were and what we were actually doing before.

We moved slightly apart, feeling empty by doing so, but when we checked, there was no trace of Edward and Bella…

They had definitely decided that it was not the best time to stay in the same room with us.

Actually, I couldn't agree more.

"Whoops…" Alice whispered, making me chuckle.

"Alice, I will remarry you…as soon and everything is settled with Bella and Edward, I swear, but please, please, drop this absurd habit of reading these magazines." I grabbed the magazine and threw it behind the sofa.

She looked at me sheepishly. "Ok…it was only a different way to spend some time…" she said.

"I have some pretty ideas about how to spend your time. And mine. And they all involve your awesome back and my stunning ears!"

Alice laughed out loud and I joined in. Then I hoisted her easily onto my shoulder, teasingly biting her lovely, small bum.

She giggled hysterically, while I climbed the stairs to our room.

"You know what, Jasper?" she said from behind me - Your back is almost as gorgeous as your ears… - she said, squeezing my bum now – See…I knew we needed some perspective!"

I giggled and anticipated the hours to come.


	7. Mushy elk! What?

Hello there again.

Chapter 7 is up…

I am almost done. Still one or two chapters to come!

Thanks for reading on you guys and I hope you'll enjoy the last bits as well!

Disclaimer: Jasper, Emmet, Edward, Bella and co…still not mine!

Thanks again!

Mad

Chapter 7

**Jasper's POV**

Emmet always claimed to be 'the master of bachelor parties'.

To be fair, we had agreed that Emmet was indeed the master of bachelor parties, for the mere reason that he had had more than the rest of the world!

To be really fair, Cullens' bachelor parties weren't very conventional. But then again Emmet wasn't conventional either, so it made some sense.

To be absolutely fair, none of us was conventional. Being vampires made it sure that we were easily as unconventional as the meaning of the word could cover.

No striptease clubs for us or any other human absurdity of the sort. Of course not.

How would it end, I have no idea. But being closed in a small room with something like 200 sweaty, sexed-up humans was something I'd rather not experience.

Naturally, none of us boys was the least bit interested in seeing any girl get naked. And inexcusably considered a thing to manipulate and disgrace.

The mere thought made us all boil over: we had grown up learning to respect women in every possible way. I could not believe we had come to this. Disgusting.

I was sure that my thirst for blood would have been easily drowned by the anger for such a repulsive hobby. Which of course would trigger me to become the killer again.

Cullens' bachelor parties were certainly unconventional, but much less sordid. We went out hunting, end of story.

Only, hunting with Emmet and Edward always turned into a challenge.

"Ok, guys! On the count of three… - Emmet counted – One. Three!" He sprinted away. Cheat!

"As if he could ever win against you, Ed." I pointed out, shaking my head.

"Oh, I always give him some head start. Not that it helps him in any way, mind! - he answered. Of course not! - Let's go, Mr Groom." He launched himself behind Emmet.

"I'm right with you, Best Man!" I answered, following my brothers.

After half an hour, and many preys later, we were lying on the damp grass, stomach full and mind dizzy.

"I won, of course! - Emmet stated, matter-of-factly - 4 elks and 1 grizzly bear in 2o minutes".

"No, you did not. You cheated, as usual…'One. Three'? Can't you even count? And I bet the grizzly was sleeping!" Edward retorted.

"Ha! Listen to who's speaking, Mr. I can read elks' minds…"

Edward did not answer to this and silence fell.

For 5 seconds.

Which was all it took for the three of us to imagine what on Earth could pass into the head of an elk.

Then we all cracked up. We started laughing so hard that soon we were hoping we had not drunk so much.

"Oh, boy…I have not had that much fun since that pathetic army of newborns came to visit us last year!" Emmet said, still giggling.

"But then again, you have a very weird idea of fun, Em." I observed.

"True…" Edward agreed.

"It's just because you are two old, boring, old-fashioned grandpas…"

"Hey! I've been a father four months and you want to make a grandpa of me already!" Edward said through gritted teeth.

A flash of Jacob and Nessie, married and settled, with a couple of dark-haired children, passed in my mind.

Edward did not miss it, of course.

"Please, Jazz, you are making me puke!"

"You know that it could happen, right? – I said – Jacob and Nessie?" I added for Emmet's benefit.

Edward simply snorted loudly.

"Who would have thought that, ehi?" Emmet wondered. I couldn't but agree with him.

"Well, my love life wasn't exactly smooth form the very beginning…I guess it never will be. Not completely at least. And now I even risk gaining a werewolf, no less, as a son-in-law!" Edward commented.

Emmet laughed, teasingly.

"You know, Ed, I admire you…It must have taken an enormous strength…" I confessed, truthfully. I did admire my brother. He had proved to be even stronger than Carlisle. Which seemed impossible to me at first.

"You are wrong, there, Jazz. Much of what you admire in me is Bella's merit. I assure you." Edward answered my unspoken question. He hated being complimented openly in front of Emmet. Or in front of everybody else.

"What do you mean? You said yourself that it was quite difficult for her to behave around you too." Emmet said.

"Yeah, it was. But that's not what I meant: Bella's awaken my humanity… I think that's what made it for me. I found out that I could almost be human again, thanks to the love I felt for her. And so it was. Love can change many things. Make someone better."

"Indeed…" I whispered. Love had saved me as well, after all. Many times.

"Which brings us back to why we are here. Love. – Emmet said - I have been teased, laughed at, mocked, and taunted because I marry Rosalie every century or so…"

"Every other year, more like…" Edward interrupted. I chuckled.

"Haha. Funny. Look at you, now, Major Whitlock. Remarrying Alice willingly. If I ever hear another word about my few weddings I am going to kick your butt."

"Hey… - I protested – You remarried five times! I am sick of buying you wedding presents which, by the way, you never use!"

"It's not my fault whether your taste in presents is even worse than Alice's." he scoffed.

"Hey, last time she bought you a nice wedding dress. Don't complain. Mine will make me seem like a…a…" I thought about myself, dressed in my dark gray tight. Very uncomfortable.

"A penguin is the closest thing, Jazz." Edward tried very hard to suppress a laugh, while seeing me dressed like that in my head.

Yeah. A penguin seemed about right.

"Still, that's not the point. No more taunting about my weddings, Jazz. That would just be ridiculous coming from you!"

"Alright!" I agreed, shaking my head a bit.

Of course I was lying.

"And that goes for you to, Edward!" Emmet added.

Both Edward and I laughed out loud. "No it doesn't! Do you really believe that Bella would ever ask me to remarry her? It's been hard enough to get her to marry me once! I doubt she'll want a re-run of it! Therefore, I am unquestionably entitled to annoy you as much as I want!" Edward chuckled again...he was feeling smug.

"The hell you are!" Emmet shouted out, sitting up to look Edward in the face.

"I think I agree with Emmet, this time, Edward. - I pointed out – I am sure that Bella would not want to remarry you, but I am as sure that you would marry her every other day, if you could! It won't take long for you to ask her. After all you are incurably romantic! Do you deny it?"

"Of course I do!"

"Liar!" Emmet said.

"I'm not lying! I wouldn't…I won't…" Edward insisted.

I laughed out loud this time. Edward was trying to convince Emmet and he was lying. Poorly, for such a master of lies as he was. Which was proof enough that what I had said had hit the target. I was dead on about this.

Oh man. How many wedding were expecting us still? Too many, definitely.

"Guys, when you are finished brawling, do you mind if we go back? I have an eternal commitment to take tomorrow. I would not want to oversleep…"

My brothers stopped arguing and looked at me, then shook their heads. At the same time.

"Jerk!" Emmet commented.

"Ditto!" Edward agreed.

I felt quite elated at myself for making my two brothers agree on something, which was usually a desperate attempt.

"So, shall we go?" I asked again.

"Sure! – Emmet answered, suspiciously stretching his arms above his head – Last one to get home is as mushy as an elk!" And he darted away, chuckling.

"What did that mean?" I asked, bemused. Mushy as an elk? What?

"No idea…but he didn't know either! - Edward explained, a patronising look on his face – Shall we?"

"Sure!" and once again we set off in hot pursuit of Emmet, the mushy elk.


	8. Vows and promises

Chapter 8, guys…the last one. For now. I don't think I'll add any, even if I've got some other ideas. We'll see…

This chapter is about the wedding, of course! I could not let this rest.

Weddings can be fun to write!

I have had some help for the vows. I am not really all this mushy myself! lol

Hope you'll like it!

Thanks for reading and as usual…No, they are not mine!

Mad

Chapter 8

**Jasper's POV**

Chuckling should be made illegal.

All of a sudden this idea of marrying again did not seem to be so clever…At all.

"You look so good, uncle Jazz." Nessie said, her mouth slightly open in awe.

"Yeah…take a good look, baby…you are not going to see uncle Jazz dressed up like a penguin again." Another chuckle.

Pity Emmet was bulletproof!

"Emmet, could you please go annoy someone else? The groom is busy and trying not to punch you is quite draining! It would ruin my wedding mood!! And you look beautiful too, Ness, honey! You have some taste! Unlike someone else in the family!" I glared at Emmet, who was still laughing.

What would I have given to punch him right there! But I couldn't. No, I couldn't because I had promised Alice to behave. And because Edward would have killed me next for being a jerk in front of his daughter.

"You'll see how beautiful Aunt Alice is!" Nessie had spent half of the previous evening in my room, 'supervising' all the various arrangements with her mother and Rose.

Bella, of course, had taken care of everything.

She had not forgotten Alice's enthusiasm at her and Edward's wedding ceremony. 'Hysteria' was the exact word.

"She'll pay for that!" she had promised time ago. Well, she had definitely kept her word. However, I trusted Edward to rein her in a little and try to control the situation for me, while I was trying not to look like a waiter. And a scarily weird one at that!

Edward joined me, Emmet and Nessie in his former room, which had been mine for the past night.

Bella, naturally, had insisted that I spent the night before my wedding away from my 'bride to be', respecting the tradition. Go figure!

It had been useless to tell her that Alice and I had been married for more than 50 years and that Alice's virtue was hardly at risk.

Nothing. No reasoning had been possible. "Jasper…We have to do this right! It's just fair." She had kept on saying. She was definitely spending too much time with Alice…

"Daddy! Is Aunt Alice ready yet? Can I go and help mummy dress up? Is Jacob here?" Renesmee crushed on Edward's legs, as soon as he entered, shooting her many questions all at once.

"Aunt Alice is ready and settled. Mummy is not nearly there, so I guess you'd better go. And Jacob is not here yet, but I bet he won't be late!"

She moved to leave the room, but stopped in front of the door and turned again. She then ran to me, holding my legs as she had her father's: "Break a leg, uncle! Not literally…I still want the first dance! No, the second one, because the first one is Aunt Alice's!"

I kneeled down to be level with her. "Thanks, sweetie! You can have all the dances you want. You are always my favourite girl, you know?" I brushed her cheek and she hugged me, kissing my face twice, before turning again and sprinting out of the door.

In these few months I had developed an absurdly deep affection for my niece. She was one of the funniest kid ever and brilliant. Incredibly so.

She could make everyone feel better, which before her arrival was my job, but now…oh, now one of her wet kisses or a smile from her could simply light your whole day.

She had become our little star. Even Rosalie had stopped believing the whole world was about her.

Emmet too spent a lot of time with her, playing mainly. And letting her win without complaining once. He carried her around on his back calling her 'my little monkey', which irritated Jacob quite a bit.

"I wonder how you managed to have such a lovely child! You of all people!" Emmet said, teasing Edward, who looked very convincing in his dark best man suit.

"Must be Bella's influence… - Edward answered, checking his tie, too used to Emmet's teasing to react – I guess it's time to go down. You don't want to have your bride wait, right?"

No, I didn't. "Yeah, you are right, let's go."

"Can you walk straight, Mr. 'I pretend to be tough, but I'm mushy just like the rest of them'?" Emmet asked.

"Yeah, thanks! You are helpful, as always!" I pointed out. Actually I was feeling a bit nervous, but I had to control that, because I did not want to wind the whole house up!

I went out the room, following my two brothers and right then and there I felt totally idiotic.

Why on Earth was I nervous? I had no reason to be nervous.

I had already married Alice! And now, all of a sudden I felt like a 15-year-old-kid…

This was absurd…

I breathed in, slowly, trying to relax.

I entered the ceremony room, already full of people. A lot of people. Some smiled at me, some waved and for all I tried I could not smile or wave back. Oh, for God's sake! This was becoming really, really ridiculous.

"Come on, Jasper – I murmured to myself, while walking down the aisle – for Alice…"

I could see Edward and Emmet already standing together and chatting.

Esme was sitting, close to Renee and Charlie, looking simply dashing. When she saw me coming in, she shoot me one of her perfect and sweet smiles. I stopped by her to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you…for everything." I whispered in her ear.

"Anytime, Jasper. I'm so, so glad you and Alice are part of my family…and I'm proud of you!" she said, hugging me, her eyes shining with joy.

Edward patted my back as soon as I reached my position.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Ehm…Good! Yeah…"

"Sure…" Emmet muttered, trying to muff the word in a cough.

"Here she comes, Jazz." Edward said, at last.

I took a deep breath and turned.

I saw Ness, all dimples and happiness, carrying a little box with our rings, followed by her mother and Rosalie.

I would have noticed them all a bit more, if my eyes hadn't been almost immediately kidnapped by the vision that followed them.

Alice, my Alice, my whole life and my only joy was there. More beautiful than I had ever believed possible. Carlisle was by her side.

And that was all it took to undo the knot in my stomach, to know that all was perfect and that I was the luckiest person alive.

When she smiled at me, I could hardly restrain myself from running to her. Edward's hand grabbed my arm firmly, but I barely registered that.

There was nothing but Alice, smiling one of her sweet and painfully piercing smiles. Just for me.

She walked, slowly but steadily, and I felt like she would never get to me soon enough…but in the end she was there, in front of me.

I held my hand out and found myself shaking, while Carlisle placed Alice's small hand in mine and kissed her forehead. I was shaking not out of fear or anxiety. I was absolutely radiant. I felt exultant. Hadn't I been tune deaf, I would have started to sing one of those very mushy songs Emmet used to sing to Rose or Ness at the top of my lungs.

But then Alice tightened her grip and I felt home. I was where I belonged.

It took sometime before we had the strength to actually look away from each other and start the ceremony.

Naturally, I barely heard one word of what the pastor said. My mind was totally bent onto the sun who was standing by my side now. I wanted her to feel what I was feeling, because it seemed that my love could barely belong to one people only. I did not love Alice as the day I had first married her. I loved her much more.

I felt totally relaxed when the time came to pronounce our vows.

"Alice, since I have found you, I have found a new life. I marry you with full confidence in our love and secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love.

I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live." I kissed Alice's wedding ring and placed it tenderly on her finger.

When Alice smiled at me again, sweetly, I felt so proud and so completely triumphant that I was sure the whole room could feel it too.

She held my hand more tightly and made her vows, keeping her eyes locked into mine.

"Jasper – she whispered. I was surprised to hear some emotion in her voice. She had always been so much stronger than me! – I am proud to marry you this day. I give myself to you completely and willingly and promise to stand by your side; to be joy to your heart, and food for your soul; to bring out the best in you always, and, for you, to be the most that I can. I promise to laugh with you in good times, to struggle with you in bad; to solace you when you are downhearted; to comfort you with my presence; to mirror you with my soul; to share with you all I have; to play with you until we both shall live." It was her turn now to place the ring, which was the symbol of her love, onto my finger.

I couldn't hear a single sound in the room, which I knew was still full of people.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." The pastor concluded.

As soon as these words were pronounced, I had Alice in my arms and kissed her with all the passion and love I had. I couldn't care less whether fifty people were staring, I did not mind whether it was rude or out of place. I did not care about anything but Alice.

This was a deserved kiss and we enjoyed it.

Then Emmet and Edward started clapping and whistling until it was impossible to ignore them any longer!

"Annoying mosquitoes!" I said, reluctantly moving away from my soul.

She laughed and everyone joined in the applause.

"Shall we, Mrs Whitlock?" I asked, offering Alice my arm. She grabbed it.

"Lead the way, my love!" she answered, with a smile.

"We have to stay for the entire party, right?" I asked, while walking down the aisle again, as a re-married man.

"I am afraid so…But no-one will mind if we sneak out after some dances. After all we are newlyweds…we need time on our own!"

"Is this a promise?" I teased.

"Haven't I just promised to do all I can to make you happy?"

"You have…And I will hold you to your word tonight…thoroughly."

I squeezed her hand gently, smiling, a smug expression on my face.

And now, all of a sudden, the prospect of dancing and chatting to all this people for a couple of hours did not seem so terrifying anymore…


End file.
